Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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