your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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