IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
