quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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