im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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