last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
