i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
