ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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