He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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