My sheets look like a crime scene.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The power of my boobs compel you
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
dude. I can hear the air.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
