That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
