you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
40s are totally the cure
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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