Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
