Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
