I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
