I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
