meet me or not, i'm out of control
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
My ass is underappreciated
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
