two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Randomize
