Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
