Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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