I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
