saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
