just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
