you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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