Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
