I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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