Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
