You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
the liver wants what the liver wants
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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