Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
