HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
