Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
