did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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