my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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