naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I FOUND THE LEGS
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