You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
