You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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