Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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