Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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