Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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