Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
