Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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