Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
