My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize