My friends, they love my intelligence
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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