Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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