What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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