she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
