he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
