youre lurking in front of me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
