facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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