woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
