My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
