She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
well you can't waste a boner
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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