i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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