Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
