when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
