there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
