I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
