also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
