I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
