Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
