You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I need to calm my uterus...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
