the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
