things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
