How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
