I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
