i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
